What always startles me most about gay memoirs is that the similarities—regardless of different contexts, backgrounds, educations, careers—are all striking. Ultimately, each theme turns back in on itself and comes to the point, which is both understanding Joel Derfner, and ourselves I think through the lens of his life.
What he instead encounters—aside from bizarre rationalizations and bad pseudo-science—is a group of men who are unnervingly like him.
Broken, lost, and almost desperate for something like peace and contentment. He fails to recognize that the Exodus movement represents a very specific subset of the overall Christian world in America today.
His understanding of Exodus is tainted by the fact that he can only imagine two possibilities: a world in which God exists, and therefore in which gays are condemned; and a world in which there is no God and therefore one in which gays are free to be happy. This was a disappointment to me, simply in that I am an active, liberal Christian, and for me there is no conflict at all between being a believer and being gay.
One of the great triumphs of the twentieth century, socially speaking, has been the shift of much of mainstream Christianity and Judiaism away from condemnation and into full, loving embrace of gay folk. It is in that context that, for me, the work of Exodus and other organizations like it becomes particularly pernicious. Because Derfner does not consider this option, his analysis of the ex-gay world loses some of its punch.
His compassion, however, does not. In the end, the Joel Derfner I wanted to shake in anger is far outweighed by the Joel Derfner I would want to hold and comfort. His memoir, for all its laugh-lines, is a paean for gay solidarity, because of the joys and sorrows of life that, each of us in our own way, shares with all our gay kin.
Aug 26, Charles rated it really liked it. It's gay alright, but also really a well done biography of a person's understanding of who he is and why. He has chapters on Dating and Step Aerobics and Musical Theater and Knitting, but when he is writing about how he likes to knit, he actually gets pretty deep into his relationship with his mother. When he writes about going to adult gay camp, he gets into how it felt to be an adolescent and the las My friend Leslie gave me this over the weekend, and I took it with me to PTown Sunday night When he writes about going to adult gay camp, he gets into how it felt to be an adolescent and the lasting impression not only others made on him but those he made on others, good and bad.
It's a very honest and brave portrayal of a guy who I think most will be able to relate to in one way or another, and I do recommend this book. At times it's whiney hence the 4 stars and not 5 but as I type that out I have to admit, if I ever tried to write a book about my life and who I am and why and how I got where I am today, Sylvia Plath would be jealous of the pathos I would emote.
Feb 13, Alice rated it it was ok Recommends it for: people with very high tolerances for cutesy wordsmithing and look-at-me whining. I really wanted to like this book, because I am a lady who appreciates high camp, Ru Paul's Drag Race, Charles Busch films and other super gay pursuits. He is super insecure, and is constantly talking about how he feels like everyone hates him, people think he's ugly, he hates anyone who he feels is smarter or cuter than him, etc.
I get that social anxiety is a serious problem, but when I'm reading a book about super gay things, I do not want to read abou Sigh. I get that social anxiety is a serious problem, but when I'm reading a book about super gay things, I do not want to read about social anxiety, because it makes me anxious instead of happy.
The narrator also thinks he is very, very clever-- he drops that he went to Harvard in almost every chapter-- and uses a lot of extraneous word play that reminds me of myself when I was a year-old aspiring features writer.
It's just cutesy. It's not bad writing, per se; it's a bit Diablo Cody, but it's also just precious, and mixed with all the "say I'm cute!
OMG a cute guy! I hate him because he's cute! And then I went to bed and ate bon bons for two weeks and never went outside! Did not like. Dec 09, Emma Kaufmann rated it really liked it. An enjoyable book written by a gay guy who is so honest it hurts - but in a good way. Derfner is a very likeable guy who anyone would like to have as a friend.
He is especially endearing because his attempts to be liked working as a Go-Go boy and allowing his penis to be fondled, being a professional cheerleader etc. The chapter on him infiltrating the Exodus conference, where gays go to try and turn straight was very illuminating and showed one thing: it is practically impo An enjoyable book written by a gay guy who is so honest it hurts - but in a good way.
The chapter on him infiltrating the Exodus conference, where gays go to try and turn straight was very illuminating and showed one thing: it is practically impossible to turn someone straight even if one believes one is going 'straight to hell' for being gay not that I am advocating anyone shouldn't be gay! The one downside of this book is that at times one feels like one is trapped inside the mind of a very intelligent neurotic and doesn't want to be led down every minute twist and turn of his OCD mind.
Sep 21, Mark rated it it was amazing Shelves: book-club. I was really surprised by this book. Derfner did a great job weaving seamingly shallow things together with much deeper views on life. He did a great job of setting up a low expectation with the self-deprecating talk in the introduction, making the reader think he was just cranking something out for egotistic reasons, but he is a much better writer than he let on.
Each chapter was an essay focussed around a theme, such as knitting, go-go dancing, and teaching aerobics. It is not a chronology of h I was really surprised by this book. It is not a chronology of his life, so some of the same events in one chapter come to play in another chapter, but they are viewed froma different perspective, adding an interesting layer to the events. I felt a couple of the later chapters were not as well written as the earlier, but I was still riding the high of the earlier part of the work to overlook that.
Swish is a delightful little romp, advertised as a man's quest to become the gayest person ever, and packaged as such, with chapters on knitting, aerobics instruction, and go-go dancing. But instead of being a shallow, if funny, look into sterotypical homosexuality, it is a much more nuanced memoir, tackling issues like the early death of Derfner's mother and his struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
That isn't to say it isn't funny, because it is very, very funny. But instead of being a Swish is a delightful little romp, advertised as a man's quest to become the gayest person ever, and packaged as such, with chapters on knitting, aerobics instruction, and go-go dancing.
But instead of being a waste of time, if an enjoyable time-waster, it is an intelligent little memoir, packaged as something much less substantial. Aug 04, Vance rated it it was amazing. The title makes this book seem like something that just escaped from the "Humor" shelf but the book itself -- save the final chapter -- is a brutal but always intelligent self-examination of one gay man's life, which -- like all good autobiography -- expands the humanity of all people who read it.
The last chapter, though, is about trying to capture an experience versus analyzing an experience in retrospect , wh The title makes this book seem like something that just escaped from the "Humor" shelf but the book itself -- save the final chapter -- is a brutal but always intelligent self-examination of one gay man's life, which -- like all good autobiography -- expands the humanity of all people who read it.
The last chapter, though, is about trying to capture an experience versus analyzing an experience in retrospect , which is how the rest of the book more successfully operates. Jan 05, Lee Wind rated it liked it Shelves: non-fiction. I laughed out loud a LOT reading this collection of essays - Joel's very brave to reveal so much about himself and his somewhat seedy and very swishy journey. A lot of the things he put himself through reminded me of Michael Moore's documentary filmmaking style - like, hey, I'm writing a book about trying to be really gay, so I'll join a cheerleading squad, and I'll become a go-go dancer As I read it, though, cracks in the humor let me see the deep sadness and depression this guy went through I laughed out loud a LOT reading this collection of essays - Joel's very brave to reveal so much about himself and his somewhat seedy and very swishy journey.
As I read it, though, cracks in the humor let me see the deep sadness and depression this guy went through at the same time as he was being so funny. Dec 18, Scott rated it it was amazing. This book was recommended to me by a friend and I really liked it.
I went into reading Swish with thought it would be a purely comical collection of essays. Instead, what I discovered is that Joel Derfner has written a thoughtful book in which I could indentify with. While there were plenty of times I laughed out loud reading Swish, there were times when I found myself relating to Joel and the way he experienced life.
I am looking forward to reading more from him in the future. Aug 09, Ron rated it really liked it. I was pleasantly surprised by this. I thought I was going to read some airplane fluff about some gay guys thoughts on stereotypically shallow gay subjects. Although each piece started out that way, he always went deeper into the subject, sometimes on a personal level and other times on why those subjects are so prevalent in gay society.
The chapter on going under cover at an Exodus retreat was especially thought provoking. Incredibly well-written, funny book! Derfner does seem rather shallow at times, but he's also aware of it, and comes from such a self-loathing backround not specifically about sexuality that I was able to get past that.
Certainly recommended, and here's hoping he has a contract for another book in the works! Dec 16, Mary rated it it was amazing Shelves: current-events , philosophy , weird , humor , memoir , non-fiction , americana , gay , favorites , sex. Unexpectedly fantastic read. Funny where appropriate, but Derfner takes the reader on a sentimental and thoughtful journey. The final chapter on his experience with Exodus is very insightful and gives the reader plenty to think about -- gay or not.
Derfner knows how to make himself and his stories relatable, by exposing flaws and vulnerabilities. Highly recommended. This book is so freaking good and absolutely nothing like the fairy princess adventure I expected it to be. I held my hand to my mouth and cried silent, unbreathing tears more than once.
I felt a dancing joy at asah and bara. And while I can't be gay, I can love and loathe myself as much as the next guy; as much as Joel Derfner. Sep 03, Kim rated it really liked it Shelves: books-i-ve-read. What a fun book! Written in the style of David Sedaris, this book is equally hysterically funny, and profoundly insightful. His chapter on music composition was particularly thought-provoking. Read this! Oct 12, Jenn Jett-Elton rated it it was amazing. This book did what I always wanted David Sedaris to do, but he never did.
If anyone ever summarized my gender, it is this author: working out, knitting, cheerleading, social anxiet;, it's all there. Mar 19, Kit rated it it was amazing Shelves: memoir , queer.
Very good. The author although not the gayest person ever is hilarious and extremely intelligent. Also, he went to graduate school to study musical theatre composition. Those are my two favorite events. In Australia there will be six events, including atlas stones, with the heaviest stone weighing, I think, lbs. Rob: Strongman has taken over my life. But I do have a real job where I work with high school athletes.
It definitely excels me in my career at the school since I can really relate to these athletes. I had a pretty bad injury this past summer when a lb atlas stone fell on my chest in the middle of a contest. I incorporate some Strongman stuff into rehab exercises at the school.
Rob: I do like to cook, but I work so hard that I mostly like to do nothing when I have some downtime. I like to sit on my couch with my dog, watching Netflix. And sometimes I play the guitar and sing. Rob: Strongman Corporation recently came out with a trans-inclusive policy that went into effect as of January 1, which is fantastic. They will pretty much follow the IOC guidelines for the Olympic committee.
Male-to-female there are some parameters around testosterone levels and testing. Rob: I want to put out a plug for gay athletes to get involved in Strongman. An interview with Rob Kearney, the first out gay pro Strongman By: Linnea Hartsuyker Rob Kearney is a professional Strongman who burst onto the national stage in when he came out publicly, becoming the first out gay pro Strongman. Linnea: Thanks so much for your time, Rob! To start off, can you tell me how you got into Strongman? Linnea: Tell me a little bit about the transition from amateur to pro.
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