Re: i cant find pleasure while fingering myself Unread post by kaisedinuma » Wed Jan 13, am Yes it does , but is there anyway I can feel some kinda pleasure thru masturbating? Like I wanna know how it feels. Re: i cant find pleasure while fingering myself Unread post by Heather » Wed Jan 13, pm The thing is, it's actually pretty uncommon for people with vaginas to masturbate just by putting fingers inside them or find that alone all that pleasurable just like most people with vaginas don't find intercourse all by itself all that exciting, either.
Most people with that anatomy don't masturbate that way for the reasons Sam has already explained. So, if you want to experience pleasure with masturbation, the way to go is to experiment with what feels good, rather than by trying to make something that does NOT feel good feel good.
In other words, as Sam has been trying to explain, it's clear you're really hung up on making this all about vaginal entry, but that's just not something -- be it with masturbation or partnered sex -- that's all that pleasurable all by itself for most people.
You're not alone in that. Do you want to talk more about why you're feeling so desperate about this? Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.
Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Re: i cant find pleasure while fingering myself Unread post by kaisedinuma » Sun Jan 17, am I just wanna know how good it feels and it's not likely I'll be able to have penetrative sex anytime so I wanna know whats the next best thing I can do to feel the pleasure and I realllyyy feeel hornyy most of the timee idkk what to do when I'm hornyy.
Re: i cant find pleasure while fingering myself Unread post by Alexa » Sun Jan 17, pm I think we've given you the best advice we have on this, so here's a mini recap: Penetrative sex alone often doesn't do it for folks with vaginas, so masturbating by penetrating yourself alone may be similarly anticlimactic. Try combining penetration with stimulating other parts of the body, such as the clitoris.
Once we get more familiar with our own anatomy, and partners do, we also usually discover that it matters HOW we do something, and not just in terms of if we feel relaxed with someone and okay about what's going on.
For instance, there's a spot in the vagina which is sensitive and feels good for plenty of people with vaginas called the G-spot. That's pretty near the front of the vaginal canal, on the side of your vagina that's towards your belly, not your back: if you want to see for yourself with our own fingers, if you feel something that feels a bit spongy and textured, kind of like your tongue, you've probably located it. Now, let's say that area does feel good to you and it's much more likely to if you are very aroused first.
Because of where it is, and the kind of stimulation it tends to respond to, if a partner is just kind of sticking straight fingers into your vagina all willy-nilly, they could very well manage to miss it entirely. If, however, they spent some time with you experimenting with different angles and different ways they were using their fingers, they might find that spot and find ways it feels good to you. The same also goes for various kinds of speed or pressure.
Too, for a lot of people with vaginas, fingering that is ONLY about the vagina, and isn't also about -- or even only about, for some -- spending lots of time outside your vagina with the clitoris, isn't anything to write home about, and may feel like nothing, or kind of awkward, or might even hurt. That's why most women's masturbation is often mostly, or even only, about the clitoris. Unlike the vagina, it has more nerve endings than even the penis does, and is the ONLY sensory organ in any set of genitals which serves no other purpose than to provide pleasure As well, any kind of sex with a partner is something that often takes practice and good communication for it to feel great.
We usually will need to spend a good deal of time -- not just hours, but days, months, years -- getting familiar with someone's unique body, and the different things that feel good and not-so-good for that individual. Even though all people with vaginas have basically the same parts, we don't all work the same way when it comes to sex.
So, even if your boyfriend had had other partners before, he'd still probably need to learn about YOU and your body over time to discover the things that feel good to you, rather than to those other partners. To find that out, you two need to be communicating throughout sex well and openly, so that, for instance, when he tried that one finger at first, he'd be asking how that felt, and you'd respond. Then maybe he'd try curling that finger up or down, or sliding it in deeper, or moving it faster or slower, again, all the while, asking you about it to know what to stick with or try.
And in all of that communication -- because it does sound like you were trying to do that -- he would need to be pretty flexible when it came to trying things, and also when it came to not being very attached to you feeling a given way from a given thing.
And that's where what seems like another missing element comes in, and that's patience. It sounds like your boyfriend had the idea that he'd just put a finger in your vagina and you'd go batty with pleasure. That wasn't a realistic expectation on his part, even if it's understandable that he might not know that, and becoming frustrated with you because of the way your body did or, more to the point, didn't respond, just isn't okay.
Now, some of that is about maturity. But a couple of years later, when I started going out with my first boyfriend, he asked me to tell him — and show him — what I did. Cheeks aflame, I demonstrated my night-time masturbation routine, and discovered that eight minutes of embarrassment was a worthwhile investment in future orgasms.
Shortly afterwards, my friends and I started having penetrative sex — and the orgasms dropped off again. In my twenties, I dated men who believed themselves to be the Oprahs of oral sex.
Directions and pleas for clemency fell, literally, on deaf ears, because their heads were so far between my legs. Anecdotally, bad oral sex seemed like some kind of epidemic befalling heterosexual millennial women. A few forays into Red Tube yielded the answer — cunnilingus was now appearing in porn.
But all my female clients are overwhelmingly positive about it, and sometimes even nostalgic. Obviously there are still rules to follow — hygiene is very important. My friend Nima, 29, reveals that she fell back in love with fingering by accident. It's important to enjoy the whole experience, rather than racing to the finish line. Lube can be particularly good for assisting in the arousal process. Give yourself the full experience by making time to be exploratory and playful.
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